Religious Trauma - Reflections from a Workshop | letters from Dena

Religious Trauma Can Occur In Any Religion

I had the privilege of being allowed to attend a workshop designed for practicing therapists last week. I loved it for two reasons:

I feel lost sometimes in my academic studies. Not because I don't comprehend the subjects, but because I do.

That's the downfall of having 25 years of experience in healthcare and a graduate degree in healthcare. I keep waiting to learn how to be a counselor, and those classes will come after we build foundations, but my impatience sometimes gets the best of my emotions.

This workshop on Religious Trauma was my first taste of "being" as I sat in a room of people I wanted to be equals with, and it felt good.

I took copious notes, and here are some of the insightful themes from the day:

Religious trauma is the emotional and psychological pain someone may feel after harmful experiences connected to their religious beliefs or community.

Religious Abuse can contribute to a fundamental separation from yourself.

• Religious Trauma looks and feels a lot like domestic violence.

• Your feelings are to kept at bay.

• Don't trust yourself or your feelings.

• You are taught that your heart is deceitful.

• Not being allowed to question or use critical thinking.

• Don't trust your gut (your intuition).

• Feelings of being abandoned (left behind).

• Exploitation of your talents.

• Feelings of shame via shame culture.

• Wrestling with feelings of selfishness.

• Wrestling with sexuality and worthiness.

  
  

And. As I reviewed a carefully curated power and control wheel outlining 8 stages of control:

• Minimizing, Denying, & Blaming

• Emotional Abuse

• Spiritual Abuse

• Threats & Accusations

• Economic Control

• Sexuality & Gender Defying

• Loss of Autonomy

• Isolation

I began to realize that most of us can relate to this, either from the aspect of religious trauma or domestic trauma (violence).

I was in awe of the day because I'd never realized why I sometimes have anger towards the church. Maybe why I chose the path of the Mystic because I feel, at times, that I can not agree to some aspects of the fundamentalist movement. It is easier for me to find God in places and spaces as a outsider than to be constrained to one congregation.

And then I had to reflect within myself and realize that I've never had a negative experience at church in my life. I am so fortunate to say that, but I realized as I navigated the course -- that a part of the child in me blames "the church" or the "religion" for traumas I received as a child in my home. Specific phrases take me back to a dark time in my own life. Triggers.

Today, I pinpointed the specifics of my anger, and it's telling. While I tell myself that I have forgiven the person for the situation, it is clear that I still have a lot of work to do. Why I tie a portion of the rage of abuse I sometimes feel to a preacher on the radio, I may never know -- but the reality is that I do.

The infinity loop of forgiveness engages me and has on a subconscious level for most of my life. It is a cycle of someone doing something bad, going to church and being forgiven, and being good for a bit — only to backslide and do it all again.

They say 50% of people go into therapy to discover who they are. That wasn't my intention when I started. Still, I'm quickly learning that there is a spotlight one must cast on him/herself to make it through a Clinical Mental Health Counseling degree.

It is the hero's journey, and it can be humbling to the ego.

We know there will be good and bad experiences where there are people. There are some bad agents, but there are also excellent opportunities in the right spaces. Churches do community better than anyone else, so when you don't go...where do you go?

That's a struggle. And. That leads directly into fears of abandonment. Isolation.

Awareness is half the battle. I realized during this workshop that I have some personal reflection and work that I need to do on this topic. If you're reading this and you are suffering from religious trauma in Oklahoma, these folks may be able to help. I understand they do group workshops and individual sessions, and are very knowledgeable but also warm and welcoming:

In Oklahoma:

Oklahoma Religious Trauma Network | www.okreligioustraumanetwork.com